Captain Macs Top Ten Sicilian Driving Tips:

• Indicator switches are only installed to improve the aesthetic and balance of the steering column. Don’t expend unnecessary energy operating them.

• Layby’s are not for parking! They are a temporary refuse repository, their use only sanctioned for unloading.

• Overtaking is mandatory. Don’t assume that because you’re in a built-up area this no longer applies.

• Overtaking into oncoming traffic enhances the thrill of the drive. Don’t worry, everyone around you will slow to accommodate your daring manoeuvre.

• If the thought of overtaking into busy oncoming traffic is too daunting, don’t worry, simply undertake instead.

• Signs mimicking speed limits simply highlight the number of exciting and interesting things to see in the immediate vicinity.

• Pedestrian crossings! No.

• Pedestrians are encouraged to remain indoors if there’s any traffic about. If you are impeded by a pedestrian simply ignore them and continue with your manoeuvre.

• If the parking space is too small for parallel parking don’t worry, simply park your car at 90°to the other vehicles, with the front across the pavement.

• Can’t see space big enough to turn onto the busy main road? Don’t worry, simply close your eyes and turn onto the main road.

NB: Joking aside, there is one major positive factor associated with all of the above. Sicilians don’t get wound up or angry about any of it. There’s no swearing, fist shaking or getting worked up, they simply carry on without a worry in the world. Maybe we could all learn from that!